There is something special about immersing yourself in the life of another person for a few hours. It's special because you see from inside all of the flaws and flows of another person's journey. You see that brokenness is a characteristic of every person. And if you're fortunate, you'll see a deep insight into the grace of God somewhere in there too.
Some of my favourite books of the last couple of years have been autobiographies for these very reasons. It was a privilege to read the life stories of Stanley Hauerwas in 'Hannah's Child', and Eugene Peterson in 'The Pastor'. And now 'All of Grace'.
Brennan Manning has been preaching this message for over 40 years to believers: God loves you unconditionally, as you are and not as you should be, because nobody is as they should be (p192). This is, of course, due to the work of Christ on the cross to rescue us. Yet Manning's autobiography depicts a man who 'kept getting on airplanes and flying places to proclaim a gospel he believes with all his heart but has not always lived' (p15). In the middle of this unfortunate paradox, however, comes an aroma of grace; 'the prodigal can never outrun the Father...that I am not measured by the good I do but by the grace I accept' (p.23).
Manning was born in Brooklyn, USA during the Great Depression. What is depressing about his birth is that his mother prayed for a girl and told his son, "You don't always get what you ask for". His parents' method of child-rearing was 'discipline, regimentation, sternness, and a minimum of affection' (p39). As a result, Manning was followed throughout his life by a menacing shadow:
As I think back on my childhood, the word shame serves as an umbrella. It is the sense of being completely insufficient as a person, the nagging feeling that for some reason you're defective and unworthy. That's how I felt all the time. (p51)
As a result he made an early vow to himself to play the role of 'the good boy' for his parents. The problem with becoming this 'good boy' was that Manning 'placed a muzzle on his emotional self' (p51), creating in the process an insatiable hunger for the acceptance and approval of others as an adult. Manning writes wistfully that this vow 'cost me my voice, my sense of wonder, and my self-worth for most of my adult life' (p56). Then, at the age of sixteen, being 'young and horribly insecure and willing to try anything not to feel that way' (p76), Manning began to regularly drink massive amounts of alcohol as his cure. Thus began a lifetime of alcohol addiction that caused great destruction in the life of this famous preacher.
Alcohol featured in his life, but also God. Manning impulsively joined the US marines in the footsteps of his older brother at age 18. At 21, he realized there must be more to life than being 'a troubled guest on this dark earth' (p88). So he went to a spiritual director who told him that maybe the 'more' he was looking for was God.
Almost immediately Manning quit the marines and joined a Franciscan seminary. During his time at the seminary Manning went through much searching for God. As he realized he was 'Manning-centric' and not God-centric, he was given a message by a wise mentor that was to have a profound imprint on his future path: "It's okay not to be okay"/"He loves you just as you are, not as you should be" (p106-107).
The rest of the book describes Manning's lifelong battle with alcohol; his leaving the priesthood at 41 to marry, only to later divorce due to his self-destructive tendencies; his continuing family tensions; and later in his life the wonderful friendship and love he experienced forming a support group of men called 'The Notorious Sinners'.
I was enthralled by this book. It is beautifully written. Manning was told early on by his superiors in the Marines that he had a gift for writing. They were not wrong. I was deeply moved by the tragic story of his upbringing. I was deeply appreciative for his openness and honesty to share his wretchedness with me, the reader. I was fascinated by the insights God had given him into that time and wished more people would pick up this book and read them:
My life is a witness to vulgar grace - a grace that amazes as it offends. A grace that pays the eager beaver who works all day long the same wages as the grinning drunk who shows up at ten till five (p193)
A quote from one of Manning's good friends echoes this need for both God's grace and self-honesty:
My highest hope is for all of us to stop trying to fool others by appearing to have our act together. As people living in intimate union with God, we need to become better known for what who we actually are...if we really believe the gospel we proclaim, we'll be honest about our own beauty and brokenness, and the beautiful broken One will make himself known to our neighbours through the chinks in our armour - and in theirs. (p179)
I would not be surprised if this is the best book I read this year. I highly recommend this book to you all.
I definitely want to read it! Sounds like such a powerful story.
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