This book is (as mentioned in a previous post) a collection of Nouwen's conference notes from a three-day workshop he ran following his recovery from a nervous breakdown. It's been edited into book form by Sue Mosteller of the Henri Nouwen Society. The book is divided into three parts entitled 'Leaving and Returning Home', 'The Invisible Exile of Resentment', and 'Home is Receiving and Giving Love'. Each part has three chapters with workshop exercises at the end of each chapter under the headings of 'Listening', 'Journaling', 'Communing' and 'Practices'.
Right, that's enough of the intro. A previous post talked about my interest in stories of the broken-hearted, and so I will direct you there to give you the brief history of Nouwen's personal situation behind the writing of this book.
Following his breakdown Nouwen found a path to recovery in meditating on the parable of the prodigal son from Luke 15. In particular, he became entranced by the painting of the parable by Rembrandt which you see below.
Things I Liked About the Book
Personal Self-Discovery and Biblical Insight
Nouwen gives us a very frank self-assessment. His academic background in Psychology gives him a really fascinating insight into his own behaviour and the parable too.
Nouwen is just so good at understanding himself, even if he isn't so good at being able to change his behaviour. He is very honest in saying 'I have carried within me the pain of loneliness and a nagging need for affection...I was always yearning for intimacy in my life' (xvii). Nouwen had always found it 'difficult to love freely without being selfish and demanding' (8). Growing up, he says 'I wanted to be a pagan so I could do all the things I wanted to do and not feel guilty' (20). Carrying such baggage and being such an intense person, Nouwen seems inevitably bound to reach the personal crisis in his life that he describes.
By addressing his own weaknesses so well, Nouwen can direct floodlights onto the parable of the prodigal son, giving us much greater depth and detail into each of the characters within it .
The younger son in the parable disrespectfully leaves his father, taking his share of his father's inheritance. The son then shamelessly squanders his father's wealth. With nothing left, the younger son realizes he must return to his father to survive. Yet despite his shameful behaviour and wasteful living, the son always knows that
"I'm still the child of my father and of my mother. I still belong to my family. I still have a home where people who know me are alive." (p23)
With this insight Nouwen points the reader to Jesus:
He claimed himself in truth, so that whether people wanted to be with him, listen to him, make him king, reject him, beat him, spit on him, or nail him to the Cross, he never lost the truth that he was God's beloved child (p25).
An interesting observation Nouwen makes from the younger son's plight is that when we are sensitive to our own journey in Christ, we can soon see that 'we are leaving and coming back [to our Father] every day, every hour' (p26). We undertake a constant series of departures and returns from God although we always know we are members of God's family because of Jesus.
Nouwen then moves onto the older son's part in the parable. Nouwen himself was the oldest of eleven children, so he feels a definite affinity with the older son here. He makes a powerful point about the older son which may well apply to most of us as well:
We work tirelessly to present ourselves in a good light before others in the false belief that our identity comes from who we are in their eyes, or from what we do or what we have (p37).
Nouwen says that the common problem believers make in their lives is to keep thinking that they can find the first love (that is, the unconditional love of God in Christ) in their day-to day relationships with others. Nouwen says that the people in our lives can only give us a second love: that is, a love that is imperfect and conditional. Only God can love us unconditionally. To give an illustration of this, Nouwen talks about his own situation:
When I hoped for total self-giving and unconditional love from another human being who was imperfect and limited in ability to love, I was asking for the impossible (p33).
Nouwen then spends time talking about the resentment and sense of obligation that drives the elder son in his service to his father, providing a parallel to the attitude of many believers today in their service and relationship to God.
It is very powerful and helpful for both pastors and anyone spending time in this parable to read the insights Nouwen has here. I was voraciously taking notes and pondering Nouwen's thinking in my own life.
Some Irritations with the Book
I did have some issues with the book, but really they were more about the editing of the book than what Nouwen wrote about.
On virtually every page there is a sidebar with quotes about understanding the self. However they are not taken just from Nouwen's works but from a whole variety of different people including Desmond Tutu, Jean Vanier (founder of L'Arche), Gandhi and a sufi amongst others.
I found the quotes really distracting as they took me away from the intensity of the book's flow. I felt uncomfortable also with some quotes coming from people who were not Christians in a book that talks about the God of the Bible giving the author his means of survival and strength through his breakdown. Quotes from sufis and from Gandhi seemed inappropriate and watered down the gospel insights of Nouwen. In fact, in my opinion quotes from anyone except Nouwen were unhelpful, although well intended. So all in all, thumbs down to the quotes! The book easily holds its own without them.
Conclusion
If you want to really get a handle on the parable of the prodigal son from Luke 15 and where you may fit within each of the characters within it, this is a very helpful book. Nouwen's own journey from breakdown to recovery, interwoven with his meditation on this parable, makes for a very moving and meaningful reading experience. The workshop activities at the end of each chapter give a great opportunity for practical application of Nouwen's biblical insights into your own life. A wonderful book to read, dear pastors.
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