In the back of the van a young girl is spread out across the seat, her head cradled in her mother's arms. "I need you to breathe, Allison!" the woman says. "Keep breathing!" But Allison is breathing, the deep breathing that's past sleep, the coma from which she will not wake up. (p13)
Luke Veldt was a missionary in Pamplona, Spain, with his wife and six children. Then, in 2006, his 13 year old daughter, Allison, died from a massive brain hemorrhage caused by a condition she had lived with since birth, which was unbeknownst to her parents. She didn't have a fall, she didn't get hit on the head - the hemorrhage came while she was getting her little sister something to eat.
This book describes the pain of losing a daughter and the insights of Luke Veldt reading Psalm 103 every day for a year or so afterwards. He does not seek to explain why God permits evil and suffering. In fact he says near the start of the book that he didn't know why God allowed evil before his daughter's death, and didn't know after her death either. What this book does share is how the author grows closer to God, and also how the author has a powerful desire 'to not forget' (p45). The latter may seem obvious, but it is a strong underlying theme in the book.
Veldt says that after Allison's death he has a sudden doubt about God's goodness and even God's existence for a while. He is surprised by this, especially as he has comforted people in similar situations in his calling as an overseas missionary. Through his journey through Psalm 103, Veldt addresses some big questions (although not he doesn't actually always answer them) such as 'why would God do this', 'when God doesn't heal' and issues of forgiveness.
Throughout the book he shares brief stories of the good times he had with his daughter, including a delightful fishing experience together. Along the way we learn that Veldt has had other difficult times in his family situation. His sixth child Andrea is born with Downs Syndrome; his brother Matt has lost three children to a rare genetic disease. It's tough to hear these stories.
I particularly appreciated a short part of the book where Veldt gives some practical tips for people wanting to help out a family who has been through a tragedy like theirs. For example:
What we want is better theology, and less of it. (p126)
The day of tragedy is not an appropriate time for theological discussion. (p126)
In other words, the family were tired of people giving short, pat sound bites telling them of God's goodness and everything would be alright and so on. As an aside, I personally call those kinds of comments 'Christian karma', whereby believers feel they have to leave you with a positive comment to neutralize the raw tragedy you've gone through. People, comments like 'you'll get over it' and 'couldn't think of a better family to deal with this situation' do not help! Don't say them!
Instead, Veldt says do things like this: give hugs; pray and tell the affected person you are doing so; help out in mundane tasks; mind the other children; run errands; help if you can with financial needs (p128). And another key one for Veldt was this: don't make the tragedy about you. If you have been arguing before the tragedy, don't go up and apologize about the argument. Just say how sorry you are for their loss, you will have your opportunity later to fix the argument. This is all very good to know if you have a church member - or any person you know - who goes through this kind of tragedy.
I feel kind of awkward writing this, given the sensitive nature of the book's subject, but I was ultimately frustrated by this book. I wished that the author would have spent more time simply telling us the story of his family's experience. Rather than telling his family's story with Psalm 103 in the background, this book is more of an explanation of Psalm 103 with small parts of his family's story in between. At one point there are over 20 pages of discussion of David without much reference to the family situation at all, out of a total of 153 pages. At times the author brings in other biblical figures such as Job and Jacob to bring out a point he is making, which seems to go beyond the scope he has set out in the title of the book. I found that frustrating too.
This book is really as much a defence of God's goodness as it is about his family's tragic story. If that's the kind of book you're looking for to read, then this will be a very good book for you to think through.
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